A Tempting Offer
by MakingLuck101
Summary: In which Sasuke returns to the village with a request, Naruto is insistent, Sakura is doubtful, Tsunade concedes, Karin feels betrayed, and Kakashi doesn't care. Post Five Kage Summit Arc, crackfic.


This is my first fanfic and I'm excited to publish it! Sorry for the mistakes. I don't have a beta. This is a parody, as it is humorous and very unlikely. Hope you enjoy it!

**In no way does Naruto belong to me. All rights reserved to Masashi Kishimoto. **

Summary: In which Sasuke returns to the village with a request, Naruto is insistent, Sakura is doubtful, Tsunade concedes, Karin feels betrayed, and Kakashi doesn't care. Post Five Kage Summit Arc, crackfic.

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A Tempting Offer

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Uchiha Sasuke was a man of many talents. He could defeat over a thousand warriors all by himself - or at least he could back when he had the Curse Seal, but who cares about that. He killed a legendary Sannin on his own, granted Orochimaru wasn't exactly in top shape. He also managed to take down Danzo, though Karin did play a pretty vital role in that. He had managed to kill Itachi. Then again, Itachi practically made himself sick so that Sasuke could have the upper hand. And he also succeeded sneaking into Konoha without being detected. That was going well so far.

"Sasuke!" the most annoying person in the world called.

_Spoke too soon_. Sasuke berated himself for not being more careful. Naruto was a Sage and would've been able to detect Sasuke in an instant. How careless.

With Naruto, was Sakura and his replacement, who Sasuke had to say didn't look like all that good of a replacement. Sai had been rather...foolish the first time they'd met. Sakura looked dumbfounded that Sasuke was in the village, Sai was as impassive as ever, and Naruto held a look of confusion mixed with a sense of dreadful hope.

One person Sasuke was surprised to see, was Karin, who looked rather angry. Wasn't she dead?

"Hello," was all Sasuke could offer. He hadn't exactly expected running into them. He thought he'd make it across the village just fine.

"What are you doing here?" Naruto yelped.

"I am here for an execution." he confided.

"Well, I am glad we can be rid of you without a fight." Sai said with a smile.

"Not mine." Sasuke shot his replacement a look of contempt.

"He's here to kill Koharu and Homura." Karin explained, helping two very confused shinobi. Naruto and Sakura's eyes widened at this not so surprising revelation.

"Still a murderer, I see." Sai commented.

"Still wearing clothes that don't fit you, I see." Sasuke growled.

"What are you doing here?" Naruto grinned, looking foolishly hopefully. Had Sasuke finally decided to come home?

"Didn't I just explain this?" Karin huffed in annoyance.

"I was hoping he was back for a different reason." Naruto proclaimed.

"What reason, other than vengeance, would I be here for?" Sasuke blinked.

"Us?"

"..."

"I see our friendship has grown immensely." Sakura rolled her eyes.

"I wish to speak to the Hokage." Sasuke announced.

"Are you going to try and assassinate her?" Sai questioned.

"Why would I do that?"

"You don't exactly have the best track record, Sasuke." Sakura coughed. "I mean, you did kill Danzo, and he was the Hokage. Not to mention the fact that you were trained by Orochimaru, who killed the Third, and Madara, who pretty much killed the Fourth and tried to kill the First."

"I don't see your point." Sasuke said blankly.

"Danzo was not Hokage!" Naruto bellowed, still peeved by the whole Sixth Hokage thing. He was getting tired of having to remind people that Danzo did not officially become Hokage, nor did he really deserve the title. A ninja of Konoha, Danzo was, but Hokage? No, definitely not.

"Danzo deserved it." Sasuke sniffed. "And I'm not going to kill Tsunade. I've heard about her punch and that's not something I want to go up against." Naruto gulped at the memories. "I would like to formally request that an execution be held for the remaining council and that I be the executioner."

"Why?" Karin was baffled. It wasn't that she didn't understand his reasoning - it was Sasuke after all - but he was actually going to ask permission.

"Because I already have every nation after me, and having Konoha trying to kill me while I'm in the village wouldn't be good for my health."

Five minutes later found the band of misfits in front of the Hokage, as well as Kakashi, who was shocked to see his former student.

"So, what brings an A-Rank criminal to Konoha?" Tsunade asked casually.

"A-Rank?" Sasuke frowned. "That's it?"

"You shouldn't be reaching for S-Rank." Kakashi shook his head. Ah Sasuke, his once adorably innocent student turned criminal.

"Unless you can give me a good reason, you're going to jail to await trial." Tsunade told the Uchiha. She wasn't going to outright say he was going to be put to death, especially not with Naruto and Sakura standing right there. And it wasn't like they would actually let that happen.

"I wish to execute Utatane Koharu and Mitokado Homura."

Tsunade's eyebrows rose while Naruto face-palmed.

"And you didn't just go kill them? You came to make a request?" Kakashi was actually surprised. Sasuke's ambitions weren't exactly ones to dwindle. He would've expected the Uchiha to just go after the remaining members of the council.

"I wanted to make sure it was okay with the Hokage." Sasuke said seriously. "Can I do it or not?"

"Do you understand what you're asking?" Naruto balked. "These are council leaders. Murdering them would probably spread chaos through Konoha."

"And they're on their toes as it is right now." Sakura added, gesturing towards the reconstruction. People were still afraid, even with a hero like Naruto in the village. Killing the council leaders would cause unnecessary panic. Not to mention that other villages might very well see it as a weakness and try to attack Konoha. Sakura wouldn't put it passed any of them, except maybe Gaara. His friendship with Naruto was probably the only reason Suna and Konoha got along at all.

"The council has caused me much psychological trauma. I think it's justified." Sasuke declared. "And we can always say it was an order. They could be plotting against you like Danzo. Maybe you have to get rid of them for treason." he suggested.

Naruto sighed. "Sasuke, we can't just let you kill two council leaders."

"And why not?" the Uchiha demanded.

"They're council leaders!"

"They're going to die soon, anyway." Sasuke countered. "They're old and therefore, should be replaced. They're also incompetent. Mass murder is never the answer."

"Like you can talk." Karin muttered darkly. Sasuke chose to ignore her.

"...he has a point." Tsunade conceded, making it painfully obvious that she was not a fan of the council members. "Danzo was sure to die soon, too. He was ancient."

"He was still a shinobi from Konoha." Naruto insisted. "And, though his methods were a little aggressive-"

"A little?" Sasuke snorted.

"-he believed everything he did was for the good of Konoha." Naruto ignored him. Okay, so maybe he wasn't a fan of Danzo's or the council's, but he didn't think letting Sasuke take his revenge would bring him back to the light.

"He had my entire clan massacred." Sasuke said.

"To be fair, they were planning a coup." Karin pointed out.

"Whose side are you on?" Sasuke demanded.

"You tried to kill me." Karin protested.

"I apologized." Sasuke huffed.

"No you didn't!" Karin cried indignantly. "You said if I could be taken hostage so easily I wasn't of use anymore."

"Semantics." Sasuke waved dismissively. "Now then, what were we talking about?"

"How Danzo had the Uchiha murdered." Kakashi supplied helpfully, all too amused by his former student's disregard of the red haired kunochi. This seemed to be a common theme for Sasuke; first Sakura, Ino, and many fan girls along the way. Perhaps Asuma had been right before. Maybe Sasuke was into males. Kakashi made a mental note to warn Naruto later, just in case. Then again, Naruto did seem to have an unhealthy obsession with Sasuke…

"Are you honestly telling me that Danzo was someone who didn't deserve to die?" Sasuke glared at his best friend. "He offed my entire clan - admittedly not himself – and made himself Hokage and had the Sharingan implanted in his body many times over."

"I didn't say his methods were good ones." Naruto allowed. "But it was still for the village." Danzo was a bad person, but his reasons were for the betterment of Konoha, no matter how insane they were. Naruto couldn't help but give the man a little credit for that. He also noted that the Uchiha fetish going around was contagious, and he needed to be careful not to catch it.

"I did Konoha a favor by ridding Danzo from the world." Sasuke said adamantly. "And to further cleanse this village, I want the other council members."

"I thought you wanted to destroy Konoha." Tsunade raised an eyebrow. She for one was beginning to believe insanity was imbedded into the Uchiha blood. Itachi may have been the sanest one, and that wasn't saying much. And really, Madara, the Moon's Eye Plan?

"I do." Sasuke nodded. "However, I'm willing to let my issues with Konoha go in exchange for the lives of Koharu and Homura."

"Well...they are annoying..." Tsunade said hesitantly. "…always butting into my business and trying to go over my head…"

"Does that seem like a pair of good council leaders?" Sasuke crossed his arms, questioning the sanity of Konoha, while the other occupants of the Hokage's office did the same to him.

"Well..." Tsunade shrugged.

"Now, hold on." Naruto stomped. "You should not be encouraging his quest for revenge." Sakura nodded vehemently and Kakashi thought it was a waste of time as Sasuke was probably always going to have a thirst for vengeance. Karin continued to mutter about heartbreaking betrayals.

"I'm not encouraging. Just not disagreeing." Tsunade said. Besides, Sasuke was bringing up some pretty good points. The council was too batty and way too nosy. Sasuke's offer was tempting.

"We're wasting time." Sasuke said suddenly. "Hand them over and this will go smoothly."

"We can't just let you kill them, Sasuke." Naruto asserted uselessly.

"Sure you can." Sasuke said. "Just wait here. I'll be back in ten minutes." Naruto looked to Sakura and Kakashi for help, but the latter looked away, whistling the theme to Icha Icha Paradise.

"Sasuke," Sakura tried, "revenge is not the answer."

"Revenge is always the answer." Sasuke said automatically, as if having the mantra branded in his mind.

"For you it is." Karin scowled.

"You're still here?" Sasuke narrowed his eyes at her. Though, he had to admit her presence was actually a nice change of pace. Madara was smart, but he went on and on about his stupid Moon's Eye Plan far too long for Sasuke to handle. And Sasuke couldn't even remember what happened to Suigestsu and Jugo.

"Alright, think about it this way. You give me the council leaders, and there are no more people trying to overthrow you in anyway. It'll also be a mercy, as Madara will probably give them a slow, painful death-"

"I'm sure you will, too." Naruto shot.

"-and you also get the Uchiha line back in the village." This caught them off guard.

"Y-you're staying?" Sakura sputtered.

"My hatred is directly pointed at the council, not Konoha." Sasuke reminded her.

"Yes, that's exactly the impression I got when you said Taka's only goal was to destroy Konoha." Karin deadpanned.

"Don't you have a pair of my underwear to roll in somewhere?" Sasuke asked calmly.

"You'll stay? No more leaving or anything?" Sakura asked doubtfully. This was Sasuke after all.

"Because if another pedophile comes along and kisses your neck..." Naruto trailed off.

"Kiss my neck?" Sasuke started. His former teammates and the Hokage gave him knowing looks. "Orochimaru did not kiss my neck!"

"I was there, Sasuke. He kissed your neck." Naruto frowned.

"You were _unconscious_."

"But I wasn't and I'm inclined to agree." Sakura shuddered at the memory of the cross dresser.

"He didn't!" Sasuke insisted.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night. Though I'm not sure how you slept at night with someone like Orochimaru around." Naruto grimaced.

"Locking the door helped." Karin offered. "...sort of."

"And what about Kabuto?" Kakashi asked curiously. Talk of the pedophile and his minion was interesting to the porn addict.

Sasuke and Karin blinked simultaneously.

"What ever did happen to Kabuto?" Karin wondered aloud. Sasuke had no clue.

"Off track people." Tsunade piped, thinking about her former teammate. He always did give off the distinct air of pedophilia.

"As I said before," Sasuke cleared his throat, "I am willing to let go of my grudge against Konoha in exchange for the council's heads. I will become a citizen of Konoha once more and produce many heirs for the village's growth and prosperity." Naruto could see the Uchiha ego showing.

Sakura had to laugh at this. "Sasuke, let go of a grudge? As if!" Sasuke glared at her, but Naruto nodded as if to say 'True.'

Meanwhile, Karin was lost in fantasies of little red haired Uchihas running around, while still being angry with Sasuke's betrayal.

"So, have we come to an agreement?" Sasuke questioned.

Tsunade and Naruto shared a look, and the younger blonde shrugged. This conversation was bound to end badly from the beginning. Tsunade stared at Sasuke, who looked bored by the wait, and after a dramatic moment, she sighed. The brat would no doubt run off and kill them without her permission either way.

"They're going to kick the bucket soon. We might as well speed up the process."

Had he not immediately taken off to exact his revenge, Sasuke would've danced with glee.

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Did you like it? Again, forgive me for any grammar mistakes. Please review, favorite, and all that good stuff. Thanks for reading.

-MakingLuck101


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